i cant expect this, how could i am? why am i really stupid on studying? all people around me said regretting cant solve your suck problem. it is the risk what you did in the past. yes i admitted it. aaaaaaaaaaaaa! i am stress now.
i disappointed my parent, family, my best friends & all people who supported me before. this problem, started from i quite hated math lesson. during i was in elementary school, i dislike math indeed. although i often got 5 top rank in my class. my math score was always 7. i increased my scores to get my rank in another studies example science, social, sport, art, bahasa indonesia etc. I really miss that moment. my parents were very proud of me, and looked forward to my great future.
when i am entering Junior High School, i was very stupid or dumb haha. i do not know why i could be that. i was totally change from my elementary school life. seems like i really like to enjoying my JHS life than studying. at least, i graduated with a high score and i was accepted at Senior High School.
but, during my shs life. many problems came. i even can not write on this blog, what problems were. so many, many and many. but i acted which i had not a problem at all, i was on the wrong way. oh god, is this called 'SHS life'? wth life.
about 2 years ago. oh thanks goodness, i was reprimanded by God. and I had given a chance to changing my destiny life. I tried to change my life. even though i was disappointing my parents and they appreciated what i did, as long as i did what the best for my life and them.
while i am trying to entering the college i wanted. i was very obsessed, yes it is my nature. what i wanted, somehow i must have it! but fate said i might not to have it :( whereas i have tried as i can. i could not get my fave college, my fave major. from that time, i said "oh, this is the risk what i did in the past. i was not obedient to parents, i was remiss, i was never wanted to be closer to God, whatever i did was the wrong way. i may not to be that person again, i have scolded by God twice. means that i was not a good person. i must have my good life come back" i think all people in the whole world would think like this if they got problems like me.
hufff, i even can not face to my beloved guy, how embarrassed i am. i just too obsessive instead him whereas he was always supporting me. sorry boy :)
